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What’s your frequency?

Actively choosing the frequencies that build you up

A person's frequency level is more important than you might think when it comes to making a solid and impactful connection.

I am currently reading 3 books which all point to the importance of energy & frequencies for different aspects of your life (Atomic Habits by James Clear, The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary & Think You’ll Be Happy by Nicole Avant)

In all three books, they talk about paying attention to the frequencies you’re tuning into and giving time towards. To notice the energy around your own purpose and understand what frequency gives you life, what you are passing on to the people around you and what drains you.

In Think You’ll Be Happy, the author makes the connection that being in interesting conversations builds up your own ideas about the world, expands your thinking and your empathy. So seeking those kinds of conversations in effect grow your ability to inquire, learn and find new solutions. In the Conscious Parent, it shows up time and time again as you try to raise children to be in tune with their own frequency and rhythms.

And it’s true that the more you surround yourself with people who are striving for something, creating, researching or seeking, the more you will grow and succeed as a person.

In fact, I would say it’s almost better if you encounter lots of people that are striving for something different from what you are seeking. They help you move outside of existing thought patterns, ideas and networks.

It’s the mere fact that they are looking to better themselves, instead of ruminating in the status quo.

I know that these are the people that will challenge my existing paradigm, open up my mind and allow me to peek into their process so I can continue to learn from them. You’ll know exactly when you meet them as their frequency forces you to sit up taller and lean all the way in.

So many things start to open up when you surround yourself with this kind of energy.

  1. You start to engage in possibilities (what if I could or how would I)

  2. You begin to learn about how others have walked their path

  3. You stop thinking about hurdles and start seeing new sources of opportunity

  4. Others start to notice the shift and you become a magnet for new productive energy

Understanding what gives you energy

I know that my energy reserves are filled by people who ask great questions and allow me to do the same. I’m usually pretty comfortable with letting people in and at the same time fascinated by other people’s paths.

Finding out what excites them, their story, their challenges, their ideologies and their hang ups. I’m always looking for their unique story and the hidden surprising twist.

You thought they were this but they turn out to be that. Or you assume their life was one way and then you find out why it looks that way due to what happened to them in the past.

This is not to say that I shy away from issues. I actually love sitting down with someone to not only hear their problems but help to hash out a solution. There is nothing better than figuring out a new path when a problem appears to have no easy answers but everyone’s willing to strategize a new way forward.

There are so many paths, so many different struggles and interesting ideas to explore.

Life is too short to ever get stuck with complaining about little things, especially those that are out of our control.

Finding the right frequency

Like me, connecting to others through storytelling, creative and meeting of minds to make things happen may be an integral part of your life.

I am finding that it’s even more crucial when living and working abroad. There are so many instances when language is not as useful a tool and you have to rely on all the other non-verbal cues to create meaning and understanding.

I am honing my ability to pick up on a person or groups vibe. One person’s funky vibe or low frequency can impact a moment, change a conversation or derail a meeting, if you let it. The more I tune in to the frequencies around me, the more it sticks out to me who is on a low frequency, even if that someone is me.

I started to think about how important it is to really seek out people who have a frequency level that pushes them outside of the day-to-day issues that arise.

I’m not talking about those worrying about the true issues of the world, but those who seem to focus on the every day annoyances or small hurdles instead of using the obstacles as fuel for change.

Wallowing in the negative usually pulls on an emotional string that both men & women are willing to admit experiencing, without the effort of taking a next step.And can almost be seen as fun to be snarky, sarcastic and self-deprecating. The triple whammy of negative speak before you get to straight complaining.

But it’s draining to be around people who are stuck in the complaints of life.

This life abroad brings with it a whole host of annoyances, not so great surprises and changes that can be hard to accept for expats. But so can life within your own country of origin. (People tend to forget that and romanticize what was)

The interesting part of living far from home is that each day can bring with it a series of unexpected issues with solutions that are very unlike what you currently have in your toolbox of tricks.

Starting from a place of productive thinking can seem unrealistic, a reach, or even unlikely. And it can be. But always so much less likely for issues to get resolved if you are so busy listening to negative talk from outside or in.

What about when you can’t get away…

When you can’t run from the negative, what is one to do??

If you are surrounded by people who are only willing to see the negative and stop there, you’ll never achieve as much as you want to. You can easily see how those who are focused only on the problems but not the solutions can infect the rest of the team until that stuck mindset has taken hold of everyone.

However close the teammate is to you, you still have a choice in how to let in this energy and how to isolate it so it doesn’t become part of the group’s ethos but instead helps drive change.

Ask them to be part of the solution. Every group needs a person who likes to punch holes. Have that person start to ideate solutions for how something could work, even with existing conditions.

Although you may understand why a person is taking the stance that they are, your reaction to them and what you chose to become part of your everyday, is entirely up to you.

In business there are always problems to solve and a need to employ those who don’t shy away or get frazzled from the challenge.

Because of that particular environment, you find yourself almost exclusively surrounded by people of a certain frequency. Lots of type A, lots of high energy, lots of strivers looking to make a mark. Mostly, you’ll meet those who are focused on the win but not too many who are willing to sacrifice themselves to make others win.

For me, I’ve learned to listen more, attempt to understand what is at the source and then share where you are.

Sometimes simply sharing your point of view can help shift the dynamic from letting others dictate the spirit of a project/job to navigating your own path. And other times you just need to notice where each person’s frequency is so you know how much time to spend in each zone.


In a room full of people, find those who are making things happen, open to new possibilities and curious about how your life experiences connect. Don’t get swallowed in the many ways in which things won’t work. Those are plentiful but also dead ends.

Find out all the ways in which they can. And then go from there.

Life will always present you with problems & opportunities. All of the frequencies are there.

It’s up to you to choose the wave that will bring you a sense of purpose and propel you forward.

My vibe today: Focused on purpose & connection

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